Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
