Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
