There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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