I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
