I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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