If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
