I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
