hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The power of my boobs compel you
So vagazzling was a success
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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