nut hugger
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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