I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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