I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
