I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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