Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
