I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
