You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
