P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
