ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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