i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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