I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
