So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We have started to decorate penises.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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