You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
