I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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