You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize