His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
