we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
