the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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