plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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