the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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