Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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