When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This is my gift to your gina
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
