i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
