I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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