Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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