Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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