I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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