So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
