You smell like a Billy Joel song
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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