Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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