i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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