My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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