I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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