I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
