When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
