I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
