I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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