dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
