This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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