He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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