He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
