All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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