Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
