I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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