Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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