I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
