He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
