Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
