i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
