i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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