I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
