no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just high enough for therapy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
