hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
