I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
