I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
