Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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