Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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