You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
