1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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