Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
