yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
