did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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