So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
