I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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